This article is an excerpt from a past monthly letter. If you enjoy this kind of grounding support, sign up to receive the monthly coaching package: it includes an article like this one, journaling prompts, creative practices, spiritual rituals and supportive tools to help you navigate your rebellious path as an artist or creative entrepreneur.

If you’re navigating perfectionism, this podcast episode might be supportive to you. This is also something we can explore together through private coaching.

I never saw myself as being a perfectionist. And that’s because the picture I had in my mind (Monica in Friends) didn’t illustrate the whole landscape of perfectionism. My free-spirited self could not really relate with this tidy, organized, type A version of a perfectionist. If you also associated being a perfectionist as being this extremely detail-oriented and ambitious person, I would invite you to reframe your perspective on it. Actually, most perfectionists end up doing… not much.

As a perfectionist, the issue is not so much that we strive for perfection, but that we believe such perfection exists. We tend to hold impossible (and vague) standards that are unattainable, and jump on a never ending hamster wheel of “not enough”. Oftentimes, we don’t even know what the “right” or “perfect” way would look like, we just know that what we’re doing is not enough.

When we’re stuck in this pattern, we also under-budget what it takes to achieve those (vague, impossible) goals. Worse: we believe that it “should be easy” for us, and if it’s not, we should just give up on it. Working hard to get better at something feels very vulnerable - we have no guarantee yet that efforts will pay off. What if they don’t? What if I’m losing my time? It’s like running a marathon with no finish line: the closer you get to it, the further away it gets.

When we are stuck in a perfectionism pattern...

We feel safe and productive creating plans, but struggle to follow through with those
We tend to have an “all or nothing” mindset, not seeing any grey zones
We daydream about our big vision, but don’t take action on a daily basis
We’re in love with the potential of an idea, but keep themselves small to avoid failure
We procrastinate and exhaust ourselves with busy work
We overthink, overanalyze and overcomplicate things to avoid taking action

Why? Because we are not trusting ourselves, and our self worth is tangled to the results we get. How do we overcome perfectionism? We learn to navigate it, build our self worth and cultivate our self trust.

How to navigate perfectionism

Understand why perfectionism is present

Perfectionism is simply a defense mechanism: it’s a strategy our brain has developed to shelter us from shame, rejection and judgment. We believe that if we do it right or perfectly, we won’t have to deal with negative emotions. However, the opposite is true: when we’re dealing with perfectionist tendencies, we eventually end up affecting our self worth and our self trust.

“Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgement, and shame. It’s a shield. It’s a twenty-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from flight.” - Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

2. Unlearn and forgive yourself

You are not broken and don’t need to be fixed. Forgive yourself for buying into the belief that striving for perfection would be the way to shelter yourself from pain. Perfectionism is a mindset - it can be changed, shifted, and transformed. One step at a time. Let’s leave our all or nothing thinking at the door, and approach it as a process.

3. Redefine success and failure

I would invite you to reevaluate your definition of success and failure. Perhaps “success” in this season means taking the tiniest action step on a project, no matter what the result is. Perhaps “failure” right now could mean procrastinating on that project.

How could you redefine success right now, to make it more achievable?

Success can also look like…

creating space for a guilt-free day off to take care of yourself
feeling excited instead of anxious to chat with a potential client
showing up to your creative practice with a little less resistance and a little more joy
confidently saying "no" to an unaligned project, trusting the right one will show up
being okay with not having things all figured out

What could it look like this month, this week, today?

4. Embrace the power of celebrations

As you redefine your perspective on success and break down goals into achievable steps, I would encourage you to create space for celebrations. As a perfectionist, we can tend to ignore any type of achievement or progress, sweeping it under the rug. Build momentum. Celebrate each step.

What do you want to celebrate at the end of this week? How will you make space for it? What do you need to focus on to make sure this is a success?

5. Cultivate self compassion

As you bravely take action on each tiny step, bring out your most gentle and kind self. It won’t always be easy, and you’ll need to approach this re-learning with a lot of patience and compassionate self talk.